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The Professors Jokes
A. Baby bears!
Q. What is invisible and smells of carrot? A. Bunny toots!
Q. What's an ig? A. It's an Eskimo's house with no loo.
Q. What kind of fur do you get from a werewolf? A. As FUR as possible.
Q. What are the strongest days of the week? A. Saturday and Sunday, because all the rest are week days.
Q. What word is always pronounced wrong? A. Wrong.
Q. What happened to the cleaning lady who tried to iron the curtains? A. She fell out the window.
Q. Which schools greet each other? A. High schools.
Q. How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator? A. Open the door and put it in.
Q. How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator? A. Open the door, take the elephant out and put the giraffe in.
Q. All the animals were going to a party except for one. Which one didn't go? A. The giraffe. It's still in the fridge!
Q. You have to cross a river that is home to a hundred alligators. How do you get across? A. Walk across. All the alligators are at the party!
Q. What did the lisping baby say to his fat twin brother before they were born? A. "Hey! Make womb! I can't bweathe!"
Q. What do you call a rich bear? A. Winnie the Pools.
Q. What is black and white and read all over? A. A newspaper.
Q. Where does the president keep his armies? A. In his sleevies.
Q. What letter on the keyboard stings you when you touch it? A. B.
Q. What did the paper say to the scissors before he got cut? A. "Help! Save the paper!"
Q. Why did the rooster cross the road? A. Because he wanted to prove that he wasn't a chicken.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. He wanted to get to the slide.
Q. What is the texture of a dog? A. Ruff!
Q. What do you call a cow laying down? A. Ground beef.
Q. Where were chips first fried? A. In Greece!
Q. Why did the zebra cross the road? A. Because the chicken went to France!
Q. What's white when dirty and black when clean? A. A chalkboard.
Q. What is a mummy's favourite music? A. Wrap-music.
A. To get to the second hand shop.
Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco? A. Because he had no body to go with.
Q. Why did the balloon cross the road? A. Because he didn't want anyone to see him blow-up!
Q. What did the kid say at the car wash? A. "Wish, wash I was taking a bath."
Q. Why is 6 afraid of 7? A. Because 7 8 9.
Q. Why do zebras have stripes? A. Without them they'd feel bare.
Q. What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water? A. A chicken sandwitch.
Q. What do you give Tweety when he is feeling ill? A. Medical TWEETment.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To show the possum it could be done.
Q. What is a witch's favourite school subject? A. Spelling.
Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A. Because he didn't have the guts.
Q. What did the TV say to the radio? A. "You just don't get the picture."
Q. How do you get a one armed man out of a tree? A. You wave at him.
Q. What do dogs get after obedience school? A. Their masters!
Q. What did the hat say to the other hat on the rack? A. "You stay here while I go on AHEAD!!"
Q. What do you get when you pass a shark and a snowman? A. A frostbite!
Q. What did the egg say to the pan? A. "You crack me up!"
Q. What starts with an E and ends with an E and only has one letter in it? A. An envelope.
Q. What did the Mexican fire-fighter name his sons? A. Jose and Jose b!
Q. What did Brittany Spears say when she crossed the road? A. "Hit me baby one more time."
Q. What word contains 26 letters in it? A. The alphabet!
Q. How did the dummy die in a swimming pool? A. Someone put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool.
Q. A rooster flew to the top of a house and laid an egg. Which side will the egg roll down? A. Neither, because a rooster can't lay eggs.
Q. Why did the orange roll halfway down the hill? A. Because it ran out of juice.
Q. What does Santa use when he is gardening? A. A hoe, hoe, hoe!
Q. How do you kill a blue elephant? A. Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
Q. How do you kill a red elephant? A. Squeeze it's trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun
Q. What happens when you throw a rock in water? A. It gets wet.
Q. What did 50 cent say when his grandmother gave him a sweater for his birthday? A. "G-Unit?"
Q. What did the ocean say to the sand? A. Nothing, it just waved!
Q. There was a one storey house. Everything was made of brick including the furniture and the pillows and even the beds. What were the stairs made out of? A. There aren't any stairs. It's a one storey house!
Q. What's the teacher's favourite amusement park? A. GRADE adventures!
Q. Why did the turtle cross the street? A. To get to the Shell station.
Q. What is a porcupine's favourite game? A. Poker.
Q. Which letter's scare the thief? A. O I C U! (Oh! I see you.)
Q. Why did the mouse cross the road? A. Because it was the chicken's day off.
Q. What happened when the chicken crossed the road? A. He stepped on a rank, got hit by a tank and there wasn't a chicken no more.
Q. What should you say if someone steals your cheese? A. "Nacho cheese!"
Q. Why did the football coach go to the bank? A. To get his quarter back!
Q. Why would it be silly to send a letter to Washington? A. Because he is dead.
Q. What did the big phone say to the small phone? A. "You're too young to be engaged!"
Q. How many months have 28 days? A. All of them.
Q. Why was the zero lonely? A. Because it had no one.
Q. Where do famous dragons go after they retire? A. The hall of flame!
Q. What did the big tomato say to the little tomato? A. "Ketch-up!"
Q. Why did the chicken join the band? A. Because he had the drumsticks!
Q. How can a rose ride a bike? A. It uses its petals!
Q. What's green, has 6 legs and if it lands on your head it will kill you? A. A pool table.
Q. Why did the tomato turn red? A. Because it saw the salad dressing.
Q. Why do cows have bells? A. Because their horns don't work!
Q. What was given to you, belongs to you, but your friends use it more than you do? A. Your name!
Q. What goes down but never touches the ground? A. The temperature.
Q. Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle? A. Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight).
Q. Why doesn't the sun go to college? A. Because it has a million degrees!
Q. What rock band has four rock members who don't sing? A. Mount Rushmore!
Q. What did the bee say when it got to its hive? A. "Honey, I'm home."
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met? A. It was love at first site!
Q. Where do cows go on dates? A. To the MOOvies.
Q. What do you call a sleeping bull? A. A bulldozer.
Q. Why do dummies take rulers to bed? A. To see how long they sleep!
Q. What two colours will you be once I'm done with you? A. Black and blue.
Q. What did the rug say to the floor? A. I've got you covered!
Q. What has 4 eyes but can't see? A. Mississippi!
Q. Why did the rooster cross the road? A. He wanted to impress the chicks!
Q. What animal always knows what time it is? A. A watchdog.
Q. What is a room that you cannot enter? A. A mushroom.
Q. Why do we go to bed? A. Because the bed can't come to us.
Q. How does a bee get to school? A. On a bzz!
Q. Railroad crossing, watch out for the cars! Can you spell that without any Rs? A. T-H-A-T.
Q. Why did the seagull fly over the sea? A. If it flew over the bay it would be a baygull.
Q. What did the human say to the joke? A. "You're funny!"
Q. A man is in a room with no doors or windows. All that is in there is a table. How does he get out? A. He saw the table. He took the saw and cut the table in half. Two halves make a (w)hole. He took the hole and put it on the wall and he climbed out.
Q. What do you call 4 Spanish sinking sumo wrestlers? A. Quatro sinko!
Q. What is black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and red all over? A. A penguin falling down the stairs!
Q. If you were locked in a room with nothing, how would you get out? A. You'd unlock the door.
Q. What do you get when you cross a dog and a flower? A. A Collie Flower.
Q. What's the safest place in a haunted house? A. The living room!
Q. Why did the cow bring toilet paper to the party? A. Because he was a party pooper.
Q. What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A. A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
Q. What did the weighing machine say to the fat man? A. "0ne at a time please."
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